TOP FIVE ONE-HIT WONDERS OF THE 1980s
On this, our penultimate installment in the series of One-Hit Wonders Top Fives, we explore the very best (according to my taste) of the 1980s’ one-hit wonders! We will conclude the series with the 1990s, that decade of my childhood nostalgia.
Honorable Mentions
Rockwell-"Somebody’s Watching Me" (1984)
Rockwell, son of Motown founder Berry Gordy, secured a record deal with the label without his father’s knowledge or influence in order to avoid the appearance of nepotism, and perhaps for similar reasons the work of his childhood friends Michael and Jermaine Jackson on "Somebody’s Watching Me" was uncredited at the time of the song’s release. It is in particular Michael’s distinctive vocals for the chorus to "Somebody’s Watching Me" that drive the song, but credit where credit is due to Rockwell, as great leaders delegate.
Taco-"Puttin’ on the Ritz" (1982)
One of those really absurd tracks that could only exist in the early 1980s musical ecosystem and cultural zeitgeist, this synth-pop cover of the 1920s Irving Berlin song is so over the top in so many ways, it had to warrant inclusion. When the song entered the Billboard Hot 100 Top Ten, it made the then-95-year-old Irving Berlin the oldest living songwriter to ever have a composition enter the Top Ten. Also, I’m convinced Taco is really Tim Curry.
Thomas Dolby-"She Blinded Me With Science" (1982)
I’m obsessed with the idea of "science" in this sort of catch-all abstraction meets gonzo, Weird Science-type vein, and this song perfectly encapsulates not just that, but like Taco’s "Puttin’ on the Ritz," the early 1980s musical ecosystem and cultural zeitgeist. In a lot of ways the 80s were the plastic 1950s with synthesizers.
TOP FIVE
5. Jermaine Stewart-"We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off" (1986)
The anthem for men not wanting to be sluts is this Jermaine Stewart cut from 1986, where Stewart tells his potential lover "I’m not a piece of meat, stimulate my brain" and "We don't have to take our clothes off to have a good time." Amen, brother. Travis McCoy and Patrick Stump, however, would beg to differ.
4. Scandal-"The Warrior" (1984)
After a short-lived run, Scandal would collapse not long after this song’s wild success. Interestingly, in the aftermath, former lead vocalist Patty Smyth was actually recruited by Eddie Van Halen to be David Lee Roth’s replacement in Van Halen. but she declined for various reasons. Listening to her soaring and powerful vocals here, it’s a fun exercise to imagine what they would have sounded like in Van Halen.
3. Oran "Juice" Jones-"The Rain" (1986)
Jones, a former sniper officer in the Marine Corps, laments witnessing his cold-hearted lover with another man over this ice-cold beat. Jones would eventually retire from the music business after a failure to follow up on the single’s success, but if it’s any consolation to Jones, Rolling Stone Australia states that Jones "delivers a break-up monologue that should’ve won an Oscar. 'What was you trying to prove? This was the Juice! I gave you things you couldn’t even pronounce!'"
2. Baltimora-"Tarzan Boy" (1985)
It was in 1993’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III film that I was first exposed to the force of nature that is "Tarzan Boy." Featuring what is apparently called the "Millennial whoop"—a term coined by Patrick Metzger describing the melodic motif featured in so many late-2000s and early 2010s pop songs such as "Tik Tok" by Kesha, "Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga, and "California Gurls" by Katy Perry, but also present in The Time’s 1984 hit "Jungle Love," so perhaps it could also be described as the "jungle whoop"?—"Tarzan Boy" is fun, it’s cheesy, and it’s far catchier than perhaps it has any right to be.
1. Rick Astley-"Never Gonna Give You Up" (1987)
Okay, so technically Astley isn’t a one-hit wonder in the strictest sense as he did have subsequent successes after this mega-hit, most notably "Together Forever," but I’ve given myself license to "cheat" in this series through our view from the present in looking back over the careers of these artists. Although the vast majority of the inclusions in this series meet the general consensus of a one-hit wonder, I’ve decided not to always use a strict definition through any kind empirical measure or set metric like chart performance (although referencing chart performance can be helpful context). What we’re doing here is considering the artist’s and song’s legacy to date. In the case of Astley, what has been remembered by most people as—and therefore has over time become—"the hit" is how I’m viewing this inclusion. I guess in some ways it’s a kind of revisionist history, because you can say objectively Astley had more than one hit (example: "Together Forever" went number one on the Billboard Hot 100 on June 18th, 1988), but the revision in cultural memory—in this case pop cultural memory—is how legacies work. Today, an average music fan will know "Never Gonna Give You Up" as for all intents and purposes the Astley song. With that in mind, this song is so well-known—in no small part due to the enduring popularity of the song through "Rickrolling"—and the incongruity between Astley’s voice and appearance is so great, that I simply had to headline our 1980s list with it. Also, it’s just a great song on all counts.
As a side note, if you like blackened symphonic deathcore, then this mash-up is for you!